I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
