We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
