that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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