If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
