On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I believe in your delicious
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
