if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
