Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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