well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
