im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
