Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
