My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
