Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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