he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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