You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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