quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
