Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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