I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
