no, he came in my armpit
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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