The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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