it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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