I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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