Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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