MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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