Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
