By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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