omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
