Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just had sex on a roof
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
