this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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