He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize