dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
