U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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