They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
