I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
