I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
