dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
