Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
