I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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