Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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