things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
