Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
