it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
