i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
