at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
