We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize