im six kinds of drunk right now
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
