haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
