I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
