She just used a chaser for red wine.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
