They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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