She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
