At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
