I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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