need another drink. this is the easiest way
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
