Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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