highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
