so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
