just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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