One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
