my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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