i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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