girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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