i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
