You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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