are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
