he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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