My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
