I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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