Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
